World Cup

so a few weeks ago, i was driving home on the sunday of the world cup final, and so i missed watching it. thankfully, one of my friends dvr'd it, and so i made plans to meet someone else (who had also not seen the game) at the person who had dvr's house.

for this particular event i was actually on time (rare occasion, i know. mark your calendars) to meet my friend there, and she was running a bit late, so i decided to just let myself in, which is normally ok.

however, when i walk in the couch that is normally just a couch is now a sleeper sofa. im like hmm thats strange, but no one was on the bed, so im wasnt really concerned with anything being too awkward too quickly. then the dog greets me and so i start talking to the dog the way people talk to animals that makes them sound really stupid, but im sure animals appreciate it... then the dog walks away towards the other side of the sofa, where there is a mattress on the ground that i hadnt noticed before.

there was someone on this mattress. i did not notice this person until now cause he was still sleeping very quietly, but since i got the dog all excited it woke him up. he doesnt live in the house, i do not recognize him, so i decide that hiding behind the entryway of the house which is just out of eyesight if he decides to get up, is a great thing to do in this situation.

while standing/hiding/pretending to look like i belong in this small area of this house that i just walked into, one of the other people who also lives there (and is going to help us with the dvr) comes down the stairs and sees me hiding and says "oh hey, how are you?" which i use as a valid invitation to sit on the couch that is not a sleeper sofa.

at this point, some random dude who also doesnt live in the house, walks out from the bathroom around the corner and after making eye contact with me and not saying anything despite my super subtle head nod, goes to wake up his friend who is sleeping. they then argue a bit about waking up and things like when they have to leave to drive back and if they want biscuits for breakfast. i am still sitting on the couch. they start to pack up. i am still sitting on the couch. we have not acknowledged each other, even though one dude is packing his bag on the floor at the other side of this 4 foot long couch... and this continues for like 4 or 5 minutes, where they are packing up their frisbee things and clothes and such and i am still sitting silently on this couch to see if an opportunity to introduce myself arises, which it does not.

after 5 minutes of eye contact avoidance and pretending to be very interested in the wall and cabinet to my right while looking through my entire contact list to appear as though im texting and am therefore very popular and dont have time to introduce myself to random people in a living room that is not in my house, my friend who i was supposed to meet shows up. and the two guys who i have not introduced myself to, nor have attempted to introduce themselves to me, leave.

then i start talking to my friend, and am reassured that i do exist, and have not blended in with the couch so well that they genuinely didnt see me sitting there and thus it was not strange that the three of us have just spent a fair amount of time in a room alone without talking at all.

it was great letting myself into this house that isnt mine, accidentally waking you up with the dog, listening to your stupid argument, and then watching you pack, random strangers!

Dogs and Parents

so a few days ago i was at a friends house eating dinner with some people and i heard her mom come back in from walking the dog.

and i look into the kitchen and i think i see her mom, in a black sweater, walk into the kitchen super hunched over, perhaps about to clean the floor, and then i do a double take and i realize that it is actually the dog and not her mom who has walked into the kitchen.

then her mom comes into the kitchen and i am laughing because i think i am so stupid for thinking that her mom was the dog, and while im laughing i say "hi, i thought you were the dog for a moment!"

she does not think this is funny. i stop laughing.

Pirates

so today i overheard some parents i didnt know very well talking at YCC practice--what i heard "yeah, no one knows where he's buried, it just adds to the mystery..."

i asked if they were talking about Blackbeard... they were talking about Moses.

that is what i get for attempting to interject into a conversation..

Parking Garages

so the other day i was pulling into the parking garage by hooker field and i went to go park in the downstairs part since it was closer to where i wanted to go.

im pulling into the spot (there is only one other car in the whole lower part of the parking deck and its parked like 2 spots over from where im parking) and i forget that there are no barriers that stop your tires between the spots and the wall..

so i inch my way into the spot until i run into the wall, and being all enclosed and things it is super loud and echo-y. at this point i realize there is no barrier thingy that stops my tires.

i then back out a bit and fix my parking job and look over at the only other car in the lot hoping by some chance that they have their music really loud or were shouting at each other or some atomic bomb went off in their car and they didnt hear anything.

sadly, the person in the car has stopped mid-apple sauce spoonful while feeding her small child and they are both staring at me, and continued to stare as i left the parking deck.